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Old June 27th, 2009 #8
-JC
Doesn't suffer fools well
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,740
Default Continuing with Michael Jackson jokes (100,000 character minimum)




Michael Jackson Mug Shot

SANTA BARBARA COUNTY SHERIFF
11/20/2003
Photo Image of:
NAME: JACKSON, MICHAEL
RAC: B SEX: M
DOB: 8/29/1958 AGE: 45
HGT: 511 WGT: 120
BLD: CMP:
HAI: BLK EYE: BRO
MKS:
BOOKING #: 621785


Heard on Conan O'Brien, November 20, 2003:
Today Michael Jackson's house was surrounded by police, and he was arrested. He was taken to jail and gave his fingerprints. His fingers were black for the first time in 15 years.

Heard on Craig Kilborn, November 2003:
Michael Jackson turned himself into authorities today and now the court may take away his kids. Don't worry, Michael's working on a deal where he can dangle them on the weekends.
The saddest part of this Michael Jackson scandal is that all of this could have been avoided if he just stuck to grabbing his own crotch.
Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so upset he dangled himself over a balcony.
Several celebrities have stepped forward to defend Michael Jackson... Woody Harrelson, Roman Polanski, Pete Townsend.
I can sum up Michael Jackson's legal defense in three words: dead man moonwalking.

Heard on Jay Leno, November 2003:
Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for Michael Jackson and today by mistake cops picked up Diana Ross.
I guess they got Michael on that new law -- 3 tykes and you're out.
Did you hear who Michael Jackson's lawyer is? He hired Scott Peterson's attorney Mark Geragos. Geragos' slogan is 'no client too sleazy.' See Michael's smart cause he knows that next to Scott Peterson he looks innocent.
According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable opinion of Michael Jackson. That may not sound like much, but it's still more than any of the Democratic candidates running for president.
Michael Jackson now using the internet to communicate with his fans. Which makes sense, that's how he met most of 'em.
After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in handcuffs. I don't think he helped his case when he asked "These are neat, do they come in smaller sizes?"
Now he is out on bail -- again he still doesn't get it. When a reporter asked him what he is going to do now, he said, "I'm going to Disneyland!"
Early today Michael met with his priest -- not for spiritual advice, they went on a double date.
Michael says he is going to fight these charges tooth and nail -- because those are the only real body parts he has left.

Heard on Jon Stewart, November 2003:
If you've been watching television today, so it begins, the Michael Jackson mini-series kicked off. The glee, the salivation in the news people. The CNN logo had an erection. If you looked closely, the 'N' was standing tall. By God people, there is a Medicare bill to debate! If only the Senate molested the Medicare bill.

Heard on David Letterman, November 2003:
Police swarmed all over the Neverland Ranch for 12 hours, about 60 investigators, and found a lot of items that needed explaining. Like the wedding photo with Lisa Marie Presley.
His bail was set at $3 million dollars because he is considered a flight risk. Cause, you know, he could run off anywhere and blend right in.
Yesterday federal agents raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara. This isn't good. People are gonna start saying this guy is peculiar. Apparently Michael Jackson was so upset he contacted Rush Limbaugh's housekeeper to get some sedatives.
I guess they had 60 federal investigators going over the Neverland Ranch property for 12 hours and didn't find anything. But they did turn up OJ's knife.

Quote by Mike Dreese, owner of the 24-store Newbury Comics chain http://shop.store.yahoo.com/newburycomics/ http://www.newbury.com/, November 20, 2003:
It's shocking how poorly Jackson's new album has sold. As of midday [Wednesday], it has sold only 90 copies in the whole chain. And we've sold 150 copies of Cyndi Lauper's new album. Both of them hit the streets on Tuesday [November 18]. So a Cyndi Lauper record of show tunes is doing more than 50 percent better than a Michael Jackson album of his number one hits. That just shows how much his career has dive-bombed.
http://www.boston.com/ae/celebrity/a...stars_decline/
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/nat...,4639636.story
http://www.cyndilauper.com/article_d...y=&art_id=1348

Britney Spears Tops the Charts, Korn and Michael Jackson Falter, November 28, 2003:
Pop princess Britney Spears' new album "In The Zone" has landed in the top spot on the Billboard albums chart. The disc sold more than 609,000 copies in its first week in stores.
Michael Jackson's greatest hits package, "Number Ones" landed at No. 13 with sales of 120,000 copies. It dropped to No. 29 its second week with 79,000 copies.
http://www.antimusic.com/news/03/nov/item109.shtml
http://www.suntimes.com/output/music...britney27.html
http://www.411mania.com/music/review...eviews_id=2326
http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/148...03/jay_z.jhtml


How about a sleep-over?

Heard on Conan O'Brien, November 21, 2003:
Michael Jackson was arrested yesterday. According to the Santa Barbara Police, Michael Jackson is 5'11" and weighs only 120 pounds... very skinny... Michael is able to keep his weight down because he only orders off the children's menu.


Payback time!!

12 Year Old Boy Sues Michael Jackson For Not Molesting Him (joke), November 24, 2003:
The family of a 12 year old Southern California boy have launched a $28 million law suit against the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Parents for the child in question contend there was a real and presumed threat that when they allowed their child to sleep in Michael Jackson's bed, he would be molested.
Martin Goldenstein, the lawyer representing the family claims Jackson's lack of sexual interest in the boy has caused them undue financial hardship.
http://www.dailyhog.com/jackson_law_suit.htm

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like gingerbread men?
A: Because he can eat them up without a law suit.

Heard on David Letterman, November 24, 2003:
How about that Michael Jackson?
The cops finally made a mug shot worse than Nick Nolte's.

Jackson's lawyer is looking for a fair jury... He wants Jackson tried by a Catholic Archdiocese.
Michael Jacksons' Neverland Ranch has been raided by police today.
Police found Class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his living room and Class 5c in his bedroom!

Michael Jackson is being investigated for drugs. During the Neverland raid, police found class As, class Bs, and all the male members of class 5C.
Michael Jackson sat down with his lawyer.
The lawyer says, "I have good news and bad news."
Michael asks for the bad news.
The lawyer says "they have a real strong case for molestation and you are going to do serious time."
Michael asks for the good news.
The lawyer says "I think you can serve it in a juvenile detention facility."

Heard on Conan O'Brien, November 25, 2003:
President Bush pardoned the Thanksgiving turkey. Michael Jackson immediately asked to hire the turkey's lawyer.
Some people close to Michael Jackson are asking him to take an insanity defense.
Michael Jackson says that he is refusing the insanity defense on the advice of his band of llamas.

To many, the King of Pop is the King of Weird, November 25, 2003:
Howard Hughes had his long fingernails, Shirley MacLaine has her past lives, Roseanne Barr her 16 personalities. But when it comes to celebrity weirdness, Michael Jackson may be the king.
"Oh yeah, he wins that contest," said Tom O'Neil, senior editor of the celebrity magazine In Touch Weekly.
http://www.ajc.com/news/content/news/1103/25weird.html
http://www.sacticket.com/24hour/ente...-7475308c.html
http://www.lawrence.com/news/entertainment/story/124624
http://www.thedesertsun.com/news/sto...27234438.shtml
http://www.the-blue-pages.com/NEWS/N.../biz01649.html

Santa Barbara News-Press story The Michael Jackson Case, November 25, 2003: http://www.newspress.com/mjacksonupd...acksontips.htm
SAT Analogies from Conan O'Brien, December 10, 2003:
"Popular toy" is to "Tickle-me Elmo" as
"Unpopular toy" is to "Fondle-me Jacko"

"Memo: Michael Jackson was cleared earlier", December 10, 2003:
Child-welfare investigators earlier this year found there was no basis for allegations that Michael Jackson had abused the boy now accusing him of molestation, according to a confidential memo.
The memo from an administrator with the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) was based on an investigation in February and was leaked to the Web site thesmokinggun.com, which posted it yesterday. A source familiar with the document confirmed its authenticity.
The memo was dated Nov. 26, 2003, a week after the Santa Barbara County district attorney announced child-molestation allegations against Jackson.
The boy and his brother told investigators Jackson had not sexually abused them, according to the memo. Their older sister said she had never witnessed anything sexually inappropriate between her brothers and the entertainer.
The memo was sent from a regional DCFS administrator to medical director Charles Sophy and detailed an investigation completed before Sophy joined the agency.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...jackson10.html
http://www.msnbc.com/news/1003320.asp
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,105276,00.html
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/mjaccuser1.html

Heard on David Letterman, December 15, 2003:
Saddam Hussein didn't put up a fight when he was arrested.
Even Michael Jackson put up a fight.

Maimonides, Laws of Forbidden Relationships 22:18, 20
There is nothing in the entire Torah which is more difficult for a community to avoid than sexual immorality... Therefore one should take charge of his natural instincts and accustom himself to extra holiness and pure thought and proper character in order to be saved from this.

Heard on David Letterman, December 16, 2003:
They says that charges against Michael Jackson will be filed by Friday.
Michael is already picking out a spider hole in Tikrit.

Heard on David Letterman, December 18, 2003:
Dave: Michael Jackson, I call him "Putty Face".
Paul: I call him "The King of Pop".
Dave: You would be wrong.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, December 19, 2003:
Michael Jackson said that contrary to reports, he has not converted to Islam.
Michael commented, "I thought that Islam had something to do with llamas..."

Heard on Conan O'Brien, December 19, 2003:
After prosecutors accused Michael Jackson of giving a boy wine and showing him pictures of naked men, Demi Moore called to say that she was insulted.

"What do you want for Christmas" on Carson Daly, December 19, 2003:
boy (holding a picture of Michael Jackson): A bat to defend myself from this man.


Get a free T-shirt with every visit... "I SLEPT WITH MICHAEL JACKSON AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT" http://www.boners.com/grub/791742.html

Michael Jackson Admits Plastic Surgery; France Unconvinced (joke), December 23, 2003:
Chirac Demands More Time for U.N. Face Inspectors
At the United Nations today, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell offered what he called "conclusive proof" that the singer Michael Jackson has had plastic surgery, but failed to convince France.
In related news, President Chirac said the U.S. had failed to show convincing proof that Jennifer Lopez has a big ass.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=505

Cheney Named Interim King Of Pop (joke), December 23, 2003:
Sports Sequined Glove on 'Meet the Press'
Moving quickly to fill what it termed a "dangerous power vacuum," the White House this weekend appointed Vice President Dick Cheney to the position of Interim King of Pop.
White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters that the absence of a King of Pop "posed an imminent threat to civilized people everywhere."
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=743

Hey, Jacko, The Party's Over! http://www.mrjoel.com/ December 23, 2003:
Okay, so maybe I wasn't invited to Michael Jackson's U R Not Alone party. According to what I'm hearing, I didn't miss very much!
The rumor is that M.C. Hammer was there, and speaking of show biz has-beens, so was Michael's sister LaToya.
Hey, maybe "Wacko Jacko" really is on a first name basis with well-known sport celebrities like black tennis player Serena Williams, but when you find sexual thugs like ex heavyweight champ, Mike Tyson, on the guest list - that's where you draw the line!
Mike Tyson is a convicted rapist. And wasn't he the guy who once bit off his opponent's ear in the ring?
Yikes, I'm afraid Mike Tyson's ex-wife Robin Givens can tell you all about Mike Tyson and how many black and blue marks a bad "macho man" like him can give you in bed!
Speaking of black and blue marks, I sincerely hope that Michael didn't invite Mike Tyson to spend the night with him at his Never Land ranch.
Hey, it's one thing to share your bed with a 12 year old boy, but when you invite a big tough bully like Mike Tyson in to your bedroom, you're asking for nothing but trouble!

Heard on Conan O'Brien, December 23, 2003:
Michael Jackson had a party last weekend. M.C. Hammer was one of the guests. He came as the Michael Jackson of the future.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/3337957.stm and http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/...941612344.html

2004 meets Michael Jackson, editorial cartoon by Steve Breen, December 23, 2003:
http://cagle.slate.msn.com/working/031223/breen.gif

Jackson "Upset" at Taylor's Absence From Party, December 24, 2003:
Troubled pop superstar Michael Jackson is reportedly "deeply upset" that longtime pal Elizabeth Taylor didn't attend his support rally party at Neverland Ranch last weekend. According to The Scoop, giant star Taylor, 71, didn't show up for the party because she "wasn't up" for the event. A source said, "He had hoped that a bunch of big stars would show, but there really weren't any A-list names, and she was the most glaringly absent."
http://imdb.com/PeopleNews/2003/20031224.html

Heard on Conan O'Brien, December 26, 2003:
Kwanza starts today. It celebrates a time when Michael Jackson was still black.

Dave Barry, December 28, 2003:
November... In other news, pop superstar Michael Jackson again finds himself in legal trouble when authorities in Santa Barbara order him fingerprinted and booked on charges of "extreme creepiness, even for California." Jackson's attorney expresses outrage, telling a news conference that his client "doesn't even HAVE fingerprints".

Heard on Conan O'Brien, December 30, 2003:
In his recent interview, Michael Jackson claims that when he was arrested, he was man-handled. He had specifically requested to be boy-handled.


Michael Jackson guest appearance in the "comic armageddon" audience of the December 30, 2003, Non-Sequitur comic strip http://www.ucomics.com/nonsequitur/2003/12/30/

The Three Most Moronic Fathers by David Letterman, January 2, 2004:
3. Steve Irwin
2. Michael Jackson
1. David Letterman

USA Weekend's POP CULTURE The power(less) list, January 4, 2004:
November -- Michael Jackson
Police arrest the King of Pop, accusing him of molesting a 12-year-old boy who visited Jacko's Neverland Ranch. A similar accusation in a 1993 civil suit was settled for a reported $15 million to $20 million. Guess we'll really find out "who's bad."
http://www.usaweekend.com/04_issues/...powerless.html

2004 Predictions by David Letterman, January 8, 2004:
In a fit of rage, Michael Jackson -- there's a fine looking woman -- will dangle his lawyer from a balcony.


Joan Crawford's Long-Lost Daughter!

Heard on Jay Leno, January 12, 2004:
Michael Jackson has moved out of Neverland Ranch and is now leasing a $20 million Beverley Hills mansion.
It's perfect for him - it's right between a plastic surgeon and an elementary school.

Heard on David Letterman, January 13, 2004:
More sad news. You know lots of top stars are going to prison and being arrested? Today Diana Ross made an appearance in court for DUI. She had her makeup all on, she was wearing a mink coat and was followed by an entourage. Outside her friends were yelling, "Michael, Michael, Michael!"

Heard on Jay Leno, January 13, 2004:
Michael Jackson's business advisers met yesterday at the Beverly Hilton Hotel to discuss Michael's financial situation. There's the problem right there - meeting at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. What's an orange juice there, nine dollars? They should be meeting at the Red Roof Inn, maybe Howard Johnson, or someplace where kids stay free.
Sources say Michael is very worried about how he could survive the harsh conditions in a federal prison. In fact, the rumor is he's trying to work out a plea bargain - if they'll send him to juvie hall, he'll be willing to serve 40 years.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, January 13, 2004:
Sources say that Michael Jackson is so deep in debt that he had to borrow $70 million from friends this week. Which is difficult because most of Michael's friends make money selling lemonade.

A Day in the Life of Michael Jackson on David Letterman, January 15, 2004:
9 AM Calls Latoya's psychic hotline -- the prediction is thirty years in maximum security.
10 AM Sends flowers to his plastic surgeon to thank him for making him look so good in his mugshot.
10:30 AM Sells case of camel's medication to Rush Limbaugh.
11 AM Begs his dear friend Liza to help him beat up prosecutors.
11:30 AM Calls Latoya's psychic hotline -- the prediction is still thirty years in maximum security.
1 PM Puts elephant man's skeleton in passenger seat so he can drive in the carpool lane.
2 PM Has a sandwich and goes to bed for the day.

Heard on Jay Leno, January 15, 2004:
First FAO Schwartz filed for bankruptcy, and yesterday KB Toys filed for bankruptcy.
See, I knew this would happen when Michael Jackson stopped dating.

In the Year 2000 on Conan O'Brien, January 15, 2004:
In the year 2000, due to increasing pressure, Michael Jackson will be forced to sell his Neverland Ranch.
The bad news -- he will sell it to the Catholic Church.


Michael Jackson in court on January 16, 2004, explains that he is not evil.

January 16, 2004:
Michael Jackson, the defendant in case number 1133603, came 21 minutes late to court. Michael surrounded himself with an entourage including family members, expensive lawyers, and a goon squad of about twenty Nation of Islam bodyguards.
Judge Rodney Melville scolded "Mr. Jackson, you have started out on the wrong foot with me. I want to advise you that I will not put up with that. It's an insult to the court. You must be on time. Do you understand that?"
Michael's hotshot lawyer, Mark Geragos, was similarly slapped down when he tried to introduce a new colleague to the defense bench without prior warning.
Michael pleaded not guilty to seven counts of molesting a child under 14 and two counts of giving the child an intoxicating agent to facilitate abuse. Each of the nine counts is a felony, and the total could bring 20 years in prison.
Then, Michael interrupted the proceeding so he and his brother Jermaine could take a bathroom break. The judge didn't sound too charmed by that and helpfully suggested that in the future, the Weak-Bladdered One should "regulate his liquid intake."
Michael did not return to court after leaving for the bathroom.
The hearing ended in less than two hours.
Michael bused in fans on a "Caravan of Love" from Los Angeles and Las Vegas. About 1000 fans came to show their support.
After the hearing, Michael, with a black umbrella to shade himself from the sun, hopped up on a black SUV, blew kisses to his frenzied fans, and did a little dance number. Vendors hawked T-shirts, ice cream, burritos and barbecue. Police dogs barked, children wailed, and helicopters hovered noisily above. A handful of Jesus freaks urged the assembled crowd to convert before it was too late. All the while, two Nation of Islam cameramen filmed Michael's every move. In short, the Michael Jackson show had come to town.
The Nation of Islam bodyguards handed out invitations to a party at the Neverland Ranch. The invitation was offered in "the spirit of love and togetherness" and addressed to all of Michael's "fans and supporters."
At the entrance to the sprawling ranch, guests were asked to sign a release agreeing to participate in a television show about Mr. Jackson, while vehicles were subjected to a series of security checks by smartly-dressed Nation of Islam goons, who screened every occupant with hand-held metal detectors and handed out colored, hospital-style wrist bracelets to be worn "at all times."
On the property, dotted with dozens of bronze sculptures of children at play, fans frolicked on swings and rode a small steam-engine train.
http://news.independent.co.uk/world/...p?story=482022
http://www.nynewsday.com/news/local/...2897764.column
http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/1...8,00050001.htm
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...NGQA4CADB1.DTL
http://www.newsday.com/news/nationwo...0,539349.story
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/...878082917.html
http://www.news.com.au/common/story_...55E401,00.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/17/national/17JACK.html

Heard on Jay Leno, January 16, 2004:
Happy Michael Jackson Day everybody!
Today Michael Jackson was charged with seven counts of lewd acts with a child. As is customary in these cases, afterwards he left the courthouse, jumped on top of a car and started dancing.
Did you see him at the courthouse? He arrived at the courthouse wearing a kind of boys prep school outfit. Good idea, when you're being arraigned on charges of child molestation. Wear the evidence to court.
I don't think Michael understands the severity of these charges. When they asked what he was doing after the arraignment, he said "I'm going to Disneyland!"
There was a big party today at the Neverland Ranch after the arraignment. Michael even sent out invitations. It was "B.Y.O.B." - bring your own boy.
What's with Michael wearing a white arm band? Arm bands are black. Everything with him - black is white. Everything is the opposite.
Michael's new lawyers might play the race card, after all, Michael used to be black.
Now that Michael moved out of the Neverland Ranch, he can sell it to the Boston Archdiocese.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, January 16, 2004:
Today Michael Jackson was arraigned in California court. Afterwards Michael got on top of a car and did a dance for fans.
He then had to stop when his brother Tito said, "Hey get off the top of my house!"

Heard on Craig Kilborn, January 16, 2004:
Today in court Michael Jackson showed up twenty minutes late for his arraignment. In his defense though, how fast can you walk backwards, grab your crotch and have a chimp on your shoulder at the same time?

January 18, 2004:
Fake psychic Uri Geller, known for bending spoons in his magic act, defended his friend Michael Jackson saying that Michael, under hypnosis in a recording studio at an undisclosed location three years ago, denied sexually abusing children. The hypnotized Michael confessed "My relations with children are very beautiful."
Geller said he was convinced that Michael was telling him the truth. "I'm a good hypnotist and I know who is trying to mislead me."
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/entert...?storyid=13650
http://www.team4news.com/Global/story.asp?S=1605877
http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/com...5E2902,00.html
http://www.azcentral.com/ent/celeb/0120jacko.html

Polls on David Letterman, January 19, 2004:
10% say they would feel safer with Saddam Hussein behind bars.
90% say they would feel safer with Michael Jackson behind bars.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, January 20, 2004:
Michael Jackson has moved from Neverland.
On the advice of his lawyers, he has moved to NeverHappenedLand.

January 22, 2004:
Tonight is the Chinese New Year, the Year of the Monkey.
To celebrate, Michael Jackson is letting Bubbles play with the elephant man's bones.

Heard on Craig Kilborn, January 30, 2004:
Do you wonder if Michael Jackson goes to prison, will he walk backwards in the shower?

February 1, 2004:
Justin Timberlake undressed Janet Jackson during their Super Bowl performance.
It was a reverse -- for once, a child touched a Jackson.
Their performance had a little touch of crass.
Did Janet plan it?
Maybe Justin slipped Janet some wine in a soda can...
Justin had to apologize for what he called a "wardrobe malfunction". Sources claimed he only meant to expose Janet's red bra as he sang: "I'm gonna get you naked by the end of this song."
And he did. Talk about talking matters into your own hands...
Janet's game of peek-a-boob was quite an in-your-face performance.
Don't you just hate it when you have a "wardrobe malfunction" and your right breast pops out in front of a crowd of 70,000 people and an estimated 143 million more watching TV?
Now we know why they call TV the "boob tube".
Good thing that Janet had the foresight to wear that sun-themed nipple shield so she still left a little something to imagination.
Does Janet's left breast feel left out?
Some people called the event a "wardrobe malfunction" but isn't a wardrobe that suddenly falls off a woman functioning perfectly???
Show biz pundits said the stunt would boost 37-year-old Janet's career. After all, 37 is an ancient crone in pop-years.
One pundit said: "She needed to do something to get people interested in her again."
She needed to use her breast for attention... What else could she use? Her talent??
Janet's act was the kind of idea that you get when you have no ideas - the breast exposed the woman.
When Janet unleashed her breast, it flopped out like you would expect for a woman of her age.
If we're going to hell in a hand basket, couldn't the basket be more attractive?
Couldn't hell have come up with anything better than a flash of Jacksonian bosom?
Compared to the Bud Light ad featuring a flatulent horse, an ad featuring a crotch-biting dog, an ad where Cedric the Entertainer received a bikini wax, and the erectile dysfunctions ads (a Levitra ad featuring Mike Ditka and a Cialis ad featuring a prominent disclaimer (or promise?) that "erections lasting four hours" might require medical attention), was the little performance by Janet Skankho Jackson and Justa Trousersnake that much out of line?
After watching all of the bumping, grinding and groping on stage, I had wonder if I'm the only man without a four-hour erection.
And what about the other "performances" in the evening's Salute to Sexual Humiliation?
Nelly kept gesturing towards his crotch.
Kid Rock apparently had so little to wear that he had to desecrate an American flag and wear it as a poncho. At least he didn't have any "wardrobe malfunctions" in his feeble attempt to display a glimmer of patriotism. Maybe he was hoping that wearing a flag while screaming obscenity-laden lyrics would cover up his lack of skill. Someone needs to tell Mr. Rock that the white rapper thing has been over since Vanilla Ice.
The US Flag Code http://www.usflag.org/us.code36.html#176 in Title 36, Chapter 10, Section 176 states in item (d) "The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery." and in item (j) "No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform."
Compared to previous half-time shows, this year's show had an obvious talent void on stage.
Shock has become a tool of people who have nothing to say but are more aggressive about saying it.
I wonder what will happen at the next Jackson family reunion... What are LaToya and Jermaine going to do to keep up with Michael and Janet?
Who'd have thought the day would come when Michael wasn't the most embarrassing Jackson?
Breast wishes and thanks for the mammaries...

All the fuss over Janet Jackson's Super Bowl stunt is merely a tempest in a C-cup.
I have to say, if Janet Jackson keeps up stunts like this, her family might get a scandalous reputation.
On the other hand, it's good to see that plastic surgery can work for a Jackson.

Beauty and the Breast by Heath David Hart
Show your breast! Show your breast!
Have your sidekick bare your chest!
Then pretend it's a 'malfunction' and the whole thing was in jest!
Flash your boob on the tube!
Prove that Viacom's your rube!
Why, that nipple silver plating's gonna top the TiVo ratings!
I'll be blunt: What a stunt!
(least you didn't show your c...)
The FCC is pissed, you might have guessed.
You and Michael, I suppose
need to both keep on your clothes.
So stay dressed! So stay dressed! So stay dressed!

Q: What do Michael and Janet have in common?
A: They both like to expose themselves to young boys.


Janet and Justin after the "wardrobe malfunction". http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com...2794264459.jpg and http://www.ultraclear.net/images/janet-tit.gif and http://www.news24.com/Images/Photos/...22just_jan.jpg and http://www.ananova.com/images/web/82878.jpg and http://www.apechild.com/images/r1453538398.jpg and http://www.apechild.com/images/r2794264459.jpg The Super Bowl streaker is at http://www.ultraclear.net/images/flasher.jpg


Janet exposed. http://www.apechild.com/images/jjt.jpg and http://www.gigglechick.com/erin/blog/jjt.jpg

Exposing Super Bowl video http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum...?postid=347173
Buy the TitTazzler, only $19.95! http://uploads.ungrounded.net/149000...it_tazzler.swf
Janet's Right Tit interviewed by Larry King (Flash animation) http://kevina.tv/originalshorts/jrt.html
Supreme Court sends back ruling on Janet Jackson, May 5, 2009:
WASHINGTON -- The Supreme Court ordered a lower court Monday to reconsider its decision to throw out a fine against CBS for Janet Jackson's exposed breast during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.
In a brief order, the justices sent the case of the "wardrobe malfunction," as Jackson's co-star Justin Timberlake termed it, back to the lower appeals court in light of a related high court decision April 28.
The justices expressed no position Monday on the merits of the FCC's effort to win reinstatement of a $550,000 fine against CBS in the Janet Jackson case. The justices' action, however, gives the FCC another chance in the Philadelphia-based U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit to justify its indecency claim again against CBS.
In the Janet Jackson case, the 3rd Circuit noted that the singer's bare breast was on camera nine-sixteenths of one second. An overriding question was whether the FCC acted arbitrarily under federal statute in finding the brief nudity indecent and warranting a fine.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washing...function_N.htm
http://www.nme.com/news/janet-jackson/44431

February 1, 2004: Super Bowl Breast Coverage: Michael to Janet: You're an embarrassment to the family (joke)
Houston, TX - Michael Jackson, the King of Pop and star of The Smoking Gun, released a statement this morning through the Nation of Islam, condemning his sister's bare-breasted Super Bowl halftime stunt. The stunt has become the most talked about story from the 2004 Super Bowl, overshadowing the Patriot victory and inciting more internet traffic than MyDoom's swipe at SCO.
At the end of the performance, Justin Timberlake, who is known for his über-impressive sexual résumé, ripped off part of Janet's costume exposing her right breast. This while he sang "I can have you naked, by the end of this song," a line from his "Rock Your Body" single. While Janet quickly moved to cover her breast, the broadcast's sound was completely eclipsed by a collective "damn!" and high-fives from men the world over.
Michael stated that this incident is by far the most embarrassing of any Jackson scandals in recent years.
"I've stood by Janet through thick and thin. Through her nasty divorce, to the rumors of her espresso-laced enemas. But this has gone too far. The Jackson family name has stood for dignity and pride for so long. For her to ruin it with one fell swoop of Justin's perverted hand is disgraceful. What will the world think of us now?
"To molest young boys is one thing, the Catholic Church understands that. But to expose yourself in front of 140 million people. Where does this madness end? We have to draw the line somewhere."
Jermaine Jackson, who has been competing with Gloria Allred for the coveted "Media Whore" title, offered his insightful commentary on Fox News this morning.
"I'm kinda on the fence with this one. I mean, I love Janet more than the world, but she shamed the family yesterday. Now, instead of the Jackson name being synonymous with family values and man-boy love sleepovers, it will be linked forever with Janet's bare breast. We can't have that."
http://www.thewiredpress.com/archive...owl_janet.html

February 2, 2004: Ashcroft Detains Janet Jackson's Right Boob (joke)
Half of Singer's Rack in US Custody
Just hours after singer Janet Jackson shocked the world by exposing her right boob at the conclusion of Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show, Attorney General John Ashcroft ordered the offending boob detained "indefinitely," Mr. Ashcroft confirmed today.
"Janet Jackson's right boob has been taken into custody and sent to Guantanamo Bay for questioning," Mr. Ashcroft told reporters in a Washington briefing. "We'd very much like to know what the boob knew and when it knew it."
Ms. Jackson's right boob was detained under a little-known provision of the Patriot Act which enables the government to detain celebrity body parts that make surprise, naked appearances at nationally televised sporting events.
Under that provision, Mr. Ashcroft explained, Ms. Jackson's right boob will not have access to a lawyer and could face a military tribunal at some point in the future.
When asked about Ms. Jackson's left boob, Mr. Ashcroft said that it is not a suspect at this time but that it remains "a boob of interest."
"We would like to know if the left boob knew what the right boob was planning to do," Mr. Ashcroft said. "It strains credulity to imagine that the right boob acted alone."
Elsewhere, experts around the world confirmed that moments after Ms. Jackson's right boob fell out of its housing, Western civilization fell as well.
Dr. Milton Campeaux of the University of Minnesota said that experts were "surprised" that Ms. Jackson caused Western civilization's long-awaited collapse.
"We all expected a Jackson to do it, but not Janet," he said.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=792

Heard on Jay Leno, February 2, 2004:
What a game yesterday? Wasn't that a great game? New England Patriots and the Carolina Panthers both played a great game yesterday. I'm mad, I lost big time yesterday. I bet a thousand bucks that Janet Jackson would show her left breast.
Did you watch that half time show? Finally a half time show for straight guys!
Did you all see that during the half time show? I guess Janet was singing a duet with Justin Timberlake and at the end he ripped off part of her costumes exposing one of her breasts. Boy, that was ironic, for once a Jackson getting molested.
Of course for viewers here in Los Angeles it was especially shocking. And most guys in this town have ever seen a real breast before.
I just hope what Janet did at halftime doesn't, in any way, tarnish the good name of the Jackson family.
Justin Timberlake said it was a "wardrobe malfunction", what were both breasts supposed to fall out?
Today CBS apologized for Janet showing her breast. Forget that - how about CBS apologizing for Richard showing his fat ass on "Survivor". That's the apology I want.
I love how high and mighty they get - they said "The moment did not conform to CBS's broadcast standards." "Standards?" What standards? They ran a commercial with a horse farting in a woman's face.
Today the Chairman of the FCC announced that he's launching an "immediate and swift" investigation into what they're calling "nipplegate". Immediate and swift investigation; however, we have to wait till next year to find out why we went to war in Iraq.

Heard on David Letterman, February 2, 2004:
At least now, I'm not the buggest boob on television!
Justin Timberlake called the incident a "wardrobe malfunction". The last time I had one of those I became a father.
After the game, President Bush called the Patriots to congratulate them on the win.
Former VP Al Gore called the Panthers to tell them he thought they had been robbed.
And former President Clinton called up Janet Jackson.

Heard on Craig Kilborn, February 2, 2004:
Last night thousands of people called CBS demanding apologies - and I'm not even on Sundays.
Just my luck - in the office pool I had Janet taking off Justin's bra.

February 3, 2004:
"The decision to have a costume reveal at the end of my halftime show performance was made after final rehearsals," Jackson said in a statement.
"They can apologize all they want, but this was wrong, and heads are going to fall," said New York-based media strategist Robbie Vorhaus, who once worked for CBS.
Performing together in a routine that had included a number of bump-and-grind moves, Timberlake reached across Jackson, flicking off the molded right cup of the bustier, leaving her breast bare except for a starburst-shaped decoration held in place by a nipple piercing.
On Monday, Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael Powell said that he was outraged by the show and ordered an investigation of the incident.
Powell told CNN he was not convinced the incident was an accident.
"Clearly somebody had knowledge of it. Clearly it was something that was planned by someone," he said. "She probably got what she was looking for."
Of course, when it comes to honest investigations, Michael, like his father Colin, leave a little something to be desired. Michael wouldn't hurt a media company any sooner than Colin would admit that he was lying to the UN about images of Iraqi WMD.
Michael has long been in the big media's pocket and is leading a drive by the FCC to relax 25-year-old regulations that limit the number of stations and newspapers that a single broadcaster can own in the same market. As chairman of the FCC, Michael has never met a media merger that he didn't like.
Tom Freston, chairman and CEO of MTV Networks, claimed that MTV was "Punk'd" by Janet Jackson.
Apparently Mr. Freston neglected to read MTV's web site, which had teased last week: "Janet Jackson's Super Bowl show promises shocking moments."
The stock price of Viacom, the parent of CBS, rose more than 1 percent Monday.
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/02/02/superbowl.jackson/
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,110114,00.html
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/148...headlines=true
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_861810.html
http://www.drudgereport.com/mattjj.htm
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4137568/
http://www.gigglechick.com/erin/blog/002902.php
http://www.cbs.sportsline.com/nfl/story/7055467
http://dir.salon.com/tech/feature/20...ell/index.html

Heard on David Letterman, February 3, 2004:
Everyone is still talking about the Super Bowl halftime show. People are upset, they're accusing each other, they're denying, no response from some - the FCC is going to investigate. And today President Bush formed the Department of Wardrobe Security.
President Bush slept through the halftime show - typical CBS viewer.
CBS is pleading ignorance over the stunt at the Super Bowl. Pleading ignorance. Why not? That's what they do with this show.
They say it was a "wardrobe malfunction". President Clinton must be wondering, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Heard on Jay Leno, February 3, 2004:
Earlier today, Janet Jackson's breast came out and saw its shadow. Which means six more weeks of winter.
How many of you watched that half time show on Sunday - or as they're calling it now America's Cup.
I got carpal tunnel from playing the TiVo back and forth.
You know who was really mad about this whole thing? President Bush. In fact today he accused Janet Jackson of having weapons of mass arousal.
I was shocked to hear this - Janet admitted today that yes the whole thing was a stunt and it was planned. (sarcastic tone) I thought it was a complete accident...
Janet's right breast issued and apology and will remain in seclusion for the next two weeks.
FCC Chairman Michael Powell said he gathered with his family to watch the show, but instead got a classless, crass and deplorable stunt. Or as we call that here at NBC... "Fear Factor". We do it every Monday!
CBS said they may bar Janet Jackson from the Grammy's because of what happened at the Super Bowl. Isn't that kind of tit for tat?
It was quite a show wasn't it - there was a streaker, Janet Jackson's breast was exposed and Kid Rock wore an American flag as a poncho. I was surprised that John Ashcroft's head didn't explode during that thing.
CBS said today that's why they put that "X-X-X" in the title. That's not roman numerals, it's the rating!
CBS has spent the last two days apologizing. Because you know, they didn't know... You know I think they should also apologize for Mike Ditka talking about his "ditka".
Did you see those ads for the Viagra-type pill called Levitra, where the big symbolism is he throws a football through a tire? Could you make it a little more obvious, Mike? Wouldn't a javelin be better?
What a country we live in - we don't have a cure for cancer but we've got 11 new ways to give a man an erection.
Today was Super Tuesday - that's when Janet shows both breasts.

Janet Jackson's 'malfunction' fine nixed, July 22, 2008:
A federal appeals court Monday threw out a $550,000 indecency fine against CBS for Janet Jackson's breast-baring "wardrobe malfunction" at the 2004 Super Bowl.
The court found that the FCC fine for the "broadcast of a nine-sixteenths of one second glimpse of a bare female breast" deviated from its nearly 30-year practice of fining broadcast indecency only when it was extremely "pervasive."
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/20...ine_nixed.html
http://uk.reuters.com/article/televi...40410720080722
http://www.chicagotribune.com/busine...,2713935.story
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/22/bu...CC.html?ref=us
http://uk.eonline.com/uberblog/b1472...bowl_boob.html
http://www.people.com/people/article...213687,00.html

Q: What do little boys hate about staying at Michael Jackson's ranch?
A: The two-drink minimum.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, February 3, 2004:
Janet Jackson today released a statement apologizing for her breast being exposed.
After that, Michael Jackson issued a statement asking what is a breast.

Heard on Craig Kilborn, February 3, 2004:
I was watching VH-1 today and Janet Jackson's right breast was on "Where Are They Now".
President Bush said today that if we don't uphold standards and decency then the nipples have won.
The event was so crass and so sleazy that Fox is performing their own investigation to see why they didn't do it first.

Heard on Jay Leno, February 4, 2004:
CBS announced today they will be using a five second tape delay when they televise the Grammy's next week so they can stop any artist who attempts to flash. This is basically a booby trap.
More problems for Janet Jackson. Last night, she was pulled over and ticketed by police. It seems one of her headlights was out.
The President of MTV Judy McGrath, who produced the halftime show, said she was "Horrified". So apparently she doesn't watch MTV.

SAT Analogies from Conan O'Brien, February 4, 2004:
"Martha Stewart" is to "sold ImClone after tip-off" as
"Janet Jackson" is to "showed nipple after kick-off".
"Justin Timberlake in 2004" is to "grabbed Janet Jackson's breast" as
"Justin Timberlake in 2008" is to "governor of California"

February 4, 2004: Justin Timberlake Fumbles Boob Handoff From Janet Jackson; Panthers Nipped in Super Bowl
HOUSTON, Texas - In what turned out to be the key play in Super Bowl XXXVIII, Justin Timberlake fumbled a bra cap handoff from Janet Jackson midway through the game, stopping all forward momentum. Red hot through the half, Timberlake and Jackson left the game shortly after the miscue.
New England coach, Bill Belichick, keeping abreast of the situation from the sidelines, said later that the fumble was the turning point for his team.
"I think it was a planned move. I saw Timberlake going to Jackson's chest and thought, 'Holy cow, this is a package we haven't seen in game film.' Jackson didn't seem to be caught by surprise. What a boob. She was left standing there totally exposed."
"It was a busted play," he added. "Timberlake blamed equipment failure, but it's a poor workman who blames his tool."
The NFL said that Timberlake was out of bounds during the play.
New England went on to defeat the Panthers, 32-29, in what many are calling the most exciting and titillating game in Super Bowl history.
http://www.bongonews.com/layout4.php?event=865

Heard on Jay Leno, February 5, 2004:
As you know Queen Latifah is on the show tonight. In the event that she flashes a breast, I'd like to warn the first three rows to stand back.
I never thought I'd say this, but you know something - I am sick and tired of looking Janet Jackson's right breast.
Do you know Janet Jackson's little halftime stunt has become the most searched event in the history of the internet? See, it proves once again that if you take out your breast during the Super Bowl halftime show, people will watch.
Next year the Super Bowl is on Fox. How sleazy is that halftime show going to be?
Today Justin Timberlake said he was "frustrated" by the whole Janet Jackson incident. Sure. He only got to first base of course he's frustrated.
They kicked Janet Jackson off the Grammy's, is this fair, but they're letting Justin Timberlake stay on. Flash your breast and you're in trouble, reach for a breast and you're get to be on the Grammy's and you get to be Governor of California.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, February 5, 2004:
Last month was one of the coldest months in New York history. It must be cold because when Janet Jackson was here, she almost put an eye out.
Still a lot of controversy over the Super Bowl halftime show. Justin Timberlake's parents said they were even embarrassed by the halftime show. They then went on to say that they were embarrassed before the game.

Quote by Jermaine Jackson, February 6, 2004:
"It wasn't done intentionally. It looked like an accident. I'm going to believe that."
Apparently Jermaine is in full self-denial, just like a good Jackson should.
http://entertainment.msn.com/music/a...px?news=148990
http://tampatrib.com/News/MGAD63TUBQD.html

Woman sues over Janet Jackon's breast, February 6, 2004:
A Tennessee woman has filed a class action suit against Janet Jackson and others involved in her breast-baring Super Bowl halftime show, saying millions of people are owed monetary damages for exposure to lewd conduct.
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=stor...edia_jackson_2

Heard on Jay Leno, February 6, 2004:
I guess you heard - CBS is barring Janet Jackson from the Grammy Awards. I guess that CBS would prefer to go with more wholesome performers like R. Kelly, and Christina Aguilera, rappers who talk about their ho's and bitches.
Because of Janet Jackson's performance at the Super Bowl, the Grammy Awards will now be on a five minute delay. So they can take out any mistakes. Dick Cheney now wants to use the technology on President Bush's speeches.
Even though Janet Jackson has been dropped from the Grammy's, Justin Timberlake is still performing. I don't know who Justin will be performing with at the Grammy's, but I'm kinda hoping for Dolly Parton. That wouldn't be any one handed deal.

Heard on David Letterman, February 6, 2004:
CBS is not allowing Janet Jackson to perform at the Grammy's. Hey if CBS is concerned about nudity then why don't they get rid of that naked fat guy on "Survivor"?

Heard on Saturday Night Live, February 7, 2004:
On Groundhog Day, Janet Jackson's breast took a peak outside its bra and saw its shadow, so we will have six more weeks of bad reactions.

Heard on Jay Leno, February 9, 2004:
Here's the scorecard from last night's Grammys - censors 15, naked breasts 0. Pretty much a wipeout.
As you know by now, Janet Jackson was not there last night. It seems she caught a chest cold.
In fact, Janet Jackson's current boyfriend says that Janet is holding up fine. Which is good news, because I thought she was starting to sag a little.

Quote by Sharon Osborne, February 9, 2004:
You did it, [ so ] own it. And next time, take both [ breasts ] out! Not just one - both! Come on! ... CBS says they "regret the incident" and the NFL says they're "extremely disappointed." Well, I was disappointed in just seeing one.

Heard on Jay Leno, February 11, 2004:
Because of Valentine's Day, Victoria's Secret is having something called the "Janet Jackson Lingerie Sale" - all bras half off.

Heard on David Letterman, February 11, 2004:
Today there was a congressional hearing on the Super Bowl halftime show. They don't have time for a hearing on Iraq or Enron, but they have time for a bra.

Heard on Jay Leno, February 16, 2004:
The "New York Times" is reporting that Michael Jackson is broke. They said that he owes $70 million for a loan to Bank of America that he can't repay. It's supposed to be due tomorrow. Give you an idea how broke he is. Over the weekend he was seen dancing on top of public transportation.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, February 16, 2004 (rerun from early November):
CBS is currently negotiating with Michael Jackson to star in a music special later this month. When asked about it, Jackson said, "CBS is doing its best to attract young people and so am I."

Notes From The Field by Robert X. Cringley, February 16, 2004:
Speaking of Action Jackson, word on the street is America Online has asked CBS to refund some of the reported $10 million it paid to expose its own products during the game. Apparently AOL felt overwhelmed by Ms. Jackson's, um, performance. I've just thought of another great way to use AOL disks -- added protection in case of wardrobe malfunction.

Heard on David Letterman, February 19, 2004:
So many celebrities are in prison... Diana Ross is in jail. She had to give up her hair-dryer, her lipstick, her ... -- oh, that's Michael Jackson.

Stamps of Crayon Colors That Didn't Make It from Conan O'Brien, February 19, 2004
Acne Red
Puke Green
Michael Jackson White

Jacko, Ex-Wife In New Legal Beef, February 24, 2004:
There just might be something to all this talk about strife between Michael Jackson and ex-wife Deborah Rowe, who has reportedly been miffed about the singer's contact with the Nation of Islam. Rowe, who is Jewish, had expressed concern that the couple's two children, Paris and Prince, were being exposed to the anti-Semitic NOI. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/rowevjack1.html

Heard on David Letterman, March 3, 2004:
Here's a sad thing today - a lot of our top stars are in jail or are going to jail. It's sad. And now Michael Jackson might be addicted to alcohol and painkillers. He's an addict. Looks like he's finally made his transformation to Diana Ross.

Heard on Conan O'Brien, March 11, 2004:
Michael Jackson gets Kentucky Fried Chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner whenever he uses his private plane. Not surprisingly Michael always asks that the dark meat be bleached white.

Michael Jackson wants his stuff back, March 23, 2004:
Michael Jackson is looking to stop a New Jersey man from selling items such as "personal financial documents, medical records (some of which bear Jackson's social security number), private contracts and personal photographs." http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...1jackson1.html and http://www.courttv.com/news/2004/0324/jackson_ap.html

Heard on David Letterman, March 24, 2004:
Here's more celebrity news. Michael Jackson -- remember who he is -- you know, I think something might be wrong with him.
He needed a break, so he took the kids to Hawaii. He likes it there because he can go right up to the edge of a volcano and dangle his kids over it.

Heard on David Letterman, March 30, 2004:
Janet Jackson was on the show last night. If you're keeping score at home that's Janet Jackson - two and Courtney Love - one.

Heard on Jay Leno, March 31, 2004:
Today Michael Jackson was in Washington where he met with a number of congressmen...
He might have to lie under oath pretty soon so he wanted to get some advice from the experts.

Poll appoints most foolish, April 1, 2004:
For the fifth consecutive April Fools' Day, Jeff Barge has released his "Most Foolish American" survey, a ranking of America's 23 greatest fools. Only a fool would be shocked to learn that Michael Jackson, the once-upon-a-time King of Pop accused of child molestation, has been named the country's top fool for a second straight year, followed closely by runners-up Janet Jackson and Martha Stewart, who tied for second breast, uh, best. Spears, the midriff-revealing, marriage-annulling train wreck, placed a foolhardy fourth.
Janet Jackson came in a close second, backed by 70% of respondents. The female performer made front-page news following the exposure of her breast, or "wardrobe malfunction," during a half-time show of American football's Super Bowl in February.
"Obviously they are giving each other advice," said Barge of the pop siblings. "And it's not good advice," he added.
Michael Jackson was named the most foolish American of 2003 after dangling his baby son over a Berlin hotel room balcony above press photographers last year.
http://onenews.nzoom.com/onenews_det...-1-455,00.html
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...e_040330215311

Heard on Jay Leno, April 9, 2004:
In case you haven't heard, the Easter Egg Hunt at the Neverland Ranch has been postponed until after the trial.

Heard on Jay Leno, April 12, 2004:
According to the tabloids, Michael Jackson has a secret plan to leave America and hide out in Africa. Is that really the best place for Michael to blend in, Africa? Wouldn't Sweden work out better for him right now?

Heard on Jay Leno, April 22, 2004:
In the Mideast, Jermaine Jackson spoke out against U.S. policy. The Jackson family is in the Mideast. Finally. The voice of reason. Get Joe there with the belt, "Shhh".

Heard on Conan O'Brien, April 23, 2004:
In the year 2000, Michael Jackson leaves his body to science...
In particular, to a 7th grade all-boys science class.

Heard on Jay Leno, April 26, 2004:
What a crowd! You sound as happy as Mark Geragos when he heard he didn't have to defend Michael Jackson anymore!
That's the big story: Michael and Mark Geragos have split up. Apparently, Michael's upset with Geragos because he wouldn't play ball. He also wouldn't play tag, hide-'n'-seek or kick the can.
Actually, the other rumor is that Mark Geragos quit. See, that's when you know you're in trouble, when your lawyer looks at both his big cases and decides Scott Peterson may be the more innocent one.

Heard on David Letterman, April 26, 2004:
Michael Jackson's attorneys resigned. They had thought that they were defending Diana Ross.
When I heard that Michael Jackson was firing someone, I thought that he should fire his plastic surgeon.

Heard on Jay Leno, April 27, 2004:
According to Fox News, Michael's lawyer's quit because Michael doesn't like other people having direct access to him. Boy is he going to hate prison. Oh my God!

Heard on Conan O'Brien, April 27, 2004:
Michael Jackson fired his lawyers because he thought that they were ignoring him. He said that if he wanted to be ignored, he would have released a new album.

Heard on Jay Leno, April 28, 2004:
To give you an idea how hot it was today, Michael Jackson was asking kids "What they would do for a Klondike bar."

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