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Old June 29th, 2013 #1
Matthaus Hetzenauer
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: In my comfy rabbit hole. Wut's it to ya, doitbag?
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Default Paula Deen's public apology -- as WE would like to see it

the scenario:

Paula Deen, having had just about enough of her public crucifixion at the hands of the jews media, decides to come down from her cross for a spell in order to address a mixed audience in a nationally televised speech. She steps up to the podium -- photographer's flashbulbs all but blinding her -- clears her throat, and then begins:



First of all, I'd like to answer the char--... wait a minute... is this microphone even working? *tap tap*... *tap* BZZDT! Yowza, ya'll!! Well I guess that answers that there question! I mean, hot day'm! Well, as I was saying... I'd like to answer the charges of racism filed against me by our "impartial" news media.

You say I'm guilty of committing the politically incorrect crime of using the word "N-word." Well, that's true: I have on occasion used the word "nigger" in the past, as I'm sure most of you have... (points to a black male in the audience; index finger buried 3/4 of the way up his nose): How about you, "brutha"? You who, while "chillin" with a 40 and a loaded crack pipe, sits in front of the 56" flat-screen you helped yourself to in the latest riots and laughs hysterically at that "crazy-ass nigga" stand-up comic as he makes fun of White people. I'm sure that you're as pure as the driven snow... right?

And you, the young "White" woman with the black street hustler boyfriend... Yes you, the one with the shoulder-length blonde hair with the 3" brown roots and the two black eyes and broken nose. Tell me you've never used the word "nigger" before in your life.

How about you, the immigrant Korean businessman who owns the small convenience store in south-central L.A. The man who's been robbed at gunpoint by "brack ganstas" half a dozen times in as many months. I suppose that you've never uttered the word "nigger" before either.

And of course you, Mr. Liberal Politician. You who live secure in your gated "Whites only" community in Massachusetts. You who are the first to call every news station outlet within a 100-mile radius when charges of racism are leveled against one of your own race in order to publicly condemn that man or woman presumed to be guilty of committing a *gasp* thought crime. Tell us why you don't send your children to private schools so they won't have to come into contact with all those "niggers and spics", as you refer to them behind closed doors in your Ivory Tower, and who would just as soon "bust a cap in dey cracka asses" as they would look at them. Come on -- speak up!

What about you, third generation black welfare queen cramming you maw with bon-bons. Why not tell us with your mumbo lips how your 300 lb. self never once said to one of your eight "chillun" by eight different absentee fathers "Nigga! Ahz gonna whup yo' two-year-old diaper ass if'n' you don't shut yo' back mouf an' stops cryin' like a bitch!" Go ahead, tell us all about it...

And finally, to you, jew. You who, though cleverly concealing your sneering face behind the facade of liberalism, in reality live very conservatively indeed while encouraging, prodding, the gullible goyim to spawn with the shvartzes (yiddish for "niggers") that you wouldn't let your sons or daughters so much as give the time of day. You, Moishe, are the most hypocritical of all.

Being a God-fearing Christian woman all my life, I've always taken to heart what the Bible said about letting he who is without sin cast the first stone. Apparently none of you have read that particular passage, have you? Well, that's about all I've got to say for the time being so, could I please get a gentleman from the press to help me remount the cross you've been so kind to erect for me? Much obliged... (starts to walk away from the podium, stops, thinks for a second or two, then returns to the microphone): Oh, and just one more thing: nigger! nigger! nigger! nigger! NIG-GER!! thank you...y'all.



At least that's the way I'd like to see it: an in your face, fuck you, go to hell, eat shit, drop dead, kiss my ass, and go fuck a gorilla "apology."

- Matt
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