Playboy features first Jewish centerfold; Last taboo finally falls

[John Creagh]

LOS ANGELES -- For the first time since its inception 48 years ago, Playboy magazine has featured a Jewish centerfold - Lindsey Vuolo. After going Hebrew-free for 575 issues, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner felt compelled to give a statement on why he had broken what many had considered the final taboo in the November issue.

"We know, of course, that most men find Jewesses to be overbearing hags whose shrill nagging drives Jewish men bald with worry and self-loathing," stated Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. "But that's purely a stereotype, and if there's one thing Playboy's about, it's opening up the American mind and shaking free of the old traditions."

But old traditions die hard, and even in the field of gentlemen's entertainment, not everyone applauded the move.

"I admire Hef's courage and his candid embrace of sexuality of all kinds," stated Penthouse Publisher Bob Guccione. "But I just don't know whether my magazine is ready to go that far. We were the first to show America the pink, and no one can match us for our emphasis on watersports, but I just can't imagine showing a real live Jewess in our pages. Not yet, at least."

Hustler head Larry Flynt agreed. "A Jew??? Oh for the love of God! Have some decency!"

But don't tell Miss Vuolo to be ashamed of her heritage. While she may not be just another cardboard cut-out of Golda Meir, she's 100% committed to holding on to her cultural roots. According to Vuolo's Playmate Data Sheet, her 'Turn-Ons' are: "doctors, making expensive dinner reservations, and luring Christian men to hell." Her 'Turn-Offs' include: "Schvartzes and fellatio."

Indeed, Playboy had to resort to unorthodox methods to land its first orthodox playmate.

"Most models want a simple modeling fee," said Hefner. "But Ms. Vuolo insisted that her mother be allowed to move into the mansion for as long as Ms. Vuolo was a part of the Playboy family. Do I regret it? You try some of this Kugel and tell me if you could ever regret this!"

Hefner has even gone so far as to rename Miss Vuolo's title from Miss November to Miss Kislev, 5762. "It's a tip of the Yarmulke to the Jew Calendar," explained Hefner.

But even Hefner admits that he has had to make some concessions to the sensibility of the Average American male. "When you look at the pictures, you won't see the Jew horns on the top of her head," stated Hefner. "I guess the photographer airbrushed them out. But it was purely an aesthetic call."

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