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Old February 16th, 2007 #2
J. Huston
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: da Kwa
Posts: 100
Default More nigger jokes

More nigger of my favorite nigger jokes:

A spic walks into a bar and says, "Hey, nigger, give me a drink." The nigger
bartender says, "I'll give you a drink, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't
refer to me as a "nigger." "Oh man!, I am sure sorry about that bro'. Won't
happen again." A few minutes later the spic says, "Hey moon crickett, another
round." The nigger says,"Hey, look, I really don't want you calling me "moon
crickett" either." The spic says,"Sorry bootlips, I didn't mean anything by it."
The bartender says, "OK that's it! How would you like it if you were the
bartender and I came in here calling you names?" "I don't know, let's find out."
So the spic puts on an apron and goes behind the bar and the nigger walks outside
and comes back in and shouts, "Hey wetback! I want a fucking drink!" The
"bartender" stops washing glasses and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't serve
niggers in here."

In a first grade class on the first day of school, the teacher wanted to get to know
all the students, so she had them all stand up and say their names. A little niglet
stood up and said that his name was "Mother Fucker." "Excuse me?" asked the
incredulous teacher. "That's right ho, my name be Mother Fucker." "Well listen
here," said the teacher, "this may be the first day of school, and you may think
you can use foul language to get attention, but I can assure you that I won't
tolerate it. Now, tell me your real name right now or I will send you straight to the
principal's office." The black boy replied, "Look bitch, I said my name be
Mother Fucker, and I mean ta tell ya, it be Mother Fucker!" "Well, that's it! Get
out of my classroom right now!" The boy headed for the door and when he got
there he turned to his twin brother who was also in the classroom and said,
"Come on, Fuck Face, the bitch ain't gonna believe you either."

A nigger walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. Bartender says, "Hey,
cool, where did you get that?" Duck says, "Africa, they are all over the fucking
place."

Nigger walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctuh, you gots ta hep me! I'm
dyin' and it hurts!" "Well, where does it hurt, boy?" "Oh lawd, it hurts here,"
pointing to his leg, "And it hurts here," pointing to his arm, "And it's killin' me
here," pointing to his stomach. After a full examination, the doctor says, "Get out
of my office you asshole, all you have is a broken finger!"

The Pope, a boyscout, and the smartest nigger in the world are on an airplane.
The engines fail, the plane starts going down, and there is only 2 parachutes. The
smartest nigger in the world says, "Due to my extraordinarily high intelligence, I
believe it is imperative that I survive and continue to show my people the path to
greatness." He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The Pope tells the
boyscout, "I am an old man and I am ready to meet God, so you may use the
remaining parachute, my son." The boyscout replies, "No, that's cool Pope, we
both have parachutes because that nigger just jumped out of the plane with my
backpack."

A priest and a rabbi show up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "Can I help you
boys?" "Well, yeah, we just died and we would like to come in to Heaven." Peter
looks at his clipboard and says, "I don't think so. You have been pretty bad on
Earth and we don't let people like that in here. But I'll tell you what; go ahead and
go to Hell, just for now. If Satan will let you come back, I will let you in." Peter
sends them away laughing, because Satan never lets anyone go to Heaven. About
10 minutes later the preacher shows back up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says,
"No shit! Satan let you come back?" "Yeah, he was in a good mood and said for
$20 bucks each we could get out of Hell." "Well, where is that rabbi?" "I don't
know, when I left he had Satan down to $19.95."

There is this rich Texas rancher who has a 100 meter long swimming pool with a
shark in it. He has always said if anyone could swim from one end to the other
without being eaten, he would give them either his daughter or his ranch. Well, his
beautiful daughter had gone off to art school in New York and brought a nigger
classmate home to one of her Dad's big barbeques. Of course, everyone is
talking about how fucked up it is that the rancher's daughter brought a nigger
there, when all of a sudden there was a huge splash. Everyone looked, and it was
the nigger swimming his black ass off with the shark hot on his trail. At the other
end of the pool the nigger threw himself out of the water and lay gasping and
panting on the ground. The rancher came up and said, "Well, shit. I am a man of
my word, so do you want my ranch or my daughter?" The nigger said, " Neither,
I just want to know who pushed me into the pool."

It was the Summer of 1968 and a nigger showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter
comes out and says, "Uh, is there something I can do for you? I mean, we don't
let niggers in here." "I know," said the nigger, "It's just that, I am from
Alabama, and I grew up around White folks, and I like White folks, and I even
married a White woman, so I thought maybe I could get in." Peter said, "Wait,
you say you married a White woman in Alabama? When the hell was this?" The
nigger looks at his watch and says, "Oh, about 10 minutes ago."

Two white convicts escape from their prison, only to find that a nigger has
followed them out and is running along with them. The three of them see a few
tree in the distance and they each climb up one to avoid the bloodhounds that are
tracking them. When the police and dogs get to the first tree the dogs go crazy,
barking and jumping. The White convict goes, "Meeeow," and the cops just think
it is a cat stuck in a tree. So they go to the next tree where the other White
convict says, "Hoo Hoo hoo Hoooo." The police figure it is just an owl in the tree.
The nigger, hearing how the 2 White guys avoided capture, figures he will do the
same, and when the dogs get to his tree, he lets out a lou, "Moooooooooo."
So anyway, they all three get captured, and now they face the firing squad. The
first White guy is standing there and as the warden says, "Ready.....Aim...." the
prisoner points behind the cops and yells, "Tornado!" As the firing squad turns to
look for the twister, the convict jumps over the wall and escapes. Now they have
the second White convict standing there. "Ready.....Aim...." He points over their
shoulders and yells, "Flash flood!", and escapes as they turn to look. Now the
nigger has his turn. "Ready.Aim....." Just then the nigger jumps up and points
and yells, "Fire!"

2 priests are arguing over whether God is black or White. Finally the one says he
will just go ask God himself. When he comes back he says with a shrug, "I don't
know, he just said 'I am what I am'" The other priest says, Well, that proves it!
God is white!" "How can you be so sure?" "Well, because, if God was a nigger
he would have said, "I is what I is."

Two big, fat, greasy nigger bitches are at the zoo. These are some big buffarilla
type women. So they go to the monkey section where the sign says, "Don't feed
the gorilla." But the one woman tries to feed the big silverback a bannana
anyway. Well, the huge gorilla walks over, bends the bars apart, grabs the nigger
woman inside the cage, and beats the shit out of her and commences to raping her
in the ass. It takes the zoo keepers 20 minutes to make the gorilla let go of her.
They were spraying it with a fire hose, hitting it with sticks, finally they shot it
with about 5 tranquilizers. So the one nigger woman goes to visit her friend in the
hospital, and she is fucked up. Swollen eyes, missing teeth, hair all torn out, and
as soon as she sees her friend she breaks out crying and sobbing. "There, there
honey," says her friend, comforting her and holding her, "We are gonna get you
through this and you are gonna be jus' fine, honey." "I know, I know," says the
first one, "But he don't call and he don't write and he don't come visit....."

A black nun and a White nun are walking through Central Park at night when 2
niggers jump out and start raping them. "Oh, forgive them, Lord, for the they
know not what they do." The black nun exclaims, "Mine sure do!"

So a nigger gets a job digging telephone pole holes and at the end of the day the
foreman comes by to see how many he had gotten done. "One, boss," he replied.
"One! Hell everybody else can dig 15 holes a day!" "Yeah, sure, but they way
they dig them, look how much of the telephone pole is still sticking out of the
ground!"

A White man and a nigger are walking through the jungle when a lion jumps out to
attack them. The White man throws a handful of sand in the lion's face and climbs
up a tree real quick, and says to the nigger, who is still standing on the ground,
"Hey, you better get your black ass up in this tree!" "Why?," said the spook, "I
didn't throw sand in his face."

The F.B.I. sends an agent to South Africa to learn how the police there stop riots.
The South African Police General takes him to a township disturbance where the
police fire tear gas grenades at the niger mob. The mob runs away a few blocks,
regroups, and comes rushing back at the police. Then the cops open up on them
with powerful fire hoses, sending the rioters spinning down the street like soccer
balls. They regroup and come charging back again, only to be met with squads of
German Shepherd attack dogs. They bite those niggers so full of holes that they
run like hell and don't come back. "Very impressive," says the F.B.I. agent, "But
let me ask you; since the dogs were so effective, why not just use them first?"
"Ah, you don't understand," said the Police general, "The niggers down here
smell so bad, first we have to fumigate them and rinse them off before our dogs
will touch them."

A guy walks into a bar and exclaims, "Goddamn, niggers are fucking assholes!"
Someone at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I am offended by that!" "Why, you
aren't a nigger." "I know, I'm a fucking asshole!"

A house at the end of the street in a small country town catches on fire. Soon it is
fully engulfed in flames and it looks like there is no hope, when all of a sudden
here comes a beat up old Chevy truck with a whole family of niggers crammed
into it. Must have been 20 of them. Well, they come tearing through town,
honking and waving and screaming for people to get out of the way, and they
drive right straight into that burning house and stomp the whole damn fire out
with their bare feet. The townspeople come crowding around them and
congratulate them and thank them for saving the house, and as a token of their
gratitude, they give the nigger family $100. "What are you going to do with the
money?" they asked. "Well," says the father of the family, "First off we is gonna
fix dem fuckin' brakes!"

A man is driving down the road and he sees a nigger family carrying furniture and
dishes into an outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day
he sees them attaching a satellite dish to the roof of the outhouse. He just shakes
his head and keeps driving. The next day he drives by and sees two satellite
dishes on the roof, and he stops to see what the hell is going on. He says to the
nigger, "OK, first I see you carrying furniture into the outhouse and I figure you
were moving in. Then I see you putting a dish on the roof, and I figure if you are
living in a shithouse you might as well watch T.V. But now I see two dishes on the
roof. It is such a small outhouse, why do you need two satellite dishes?" The
nigger replied, "Oh, we rented the basement out to Mexicans."

A hindu a jew and a nigger are all walking through the country and stop at a
farmer's house to see if they could sleep there for the night. "Well," said the
farmer, "All I got fer ya is the barn." The three travellers all agreed that the
barn was fine, and the farmer showed them the way. A few minutes later there is
a knock at the farmer's door. It was the hindu. He said, "I am very sorry, but
there is a cow in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn
with a cow. Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Oh, fine, you can sleep in the
damn house!" said the farmer. A few minutes later there is another knock at the
door. This time it's the jew. He said, "Sir, I am jewish, and you expect me to sleep
in the same barn as a pig? A dirty, disgusting, filthy swine? Besides, it smells like
shit out there." "Fine, fine, you can sleep in the damn house, just stop bitching!"
A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. "I swear to god if it's that
damn nigger I am going to whip his ass, because I'll be damned if I let him sleep
in my house!" The farmer opened the door and it was the pig and the cow.

A nigger finds a magic lamp and rubs it and when the genie pops out he told her
he wanted to be "Tight, White, and outta sight!" So she turned him into a
Tampon.

Two niggers walking down the street see a sign that says, "Turn White for $15."
The two groids turn their pockets inside out only to discover that one has a 20
dollar bill and the other one has a 10 dollar bill. Since neither one of them has
exactly $15, they can't figure out how they can both get turned White.....Finally
one of them has a stroke of genius. "You take $20 and go in there and get turned
White, then when you come out you can give me your $5 change and then I will
have $15 and I can get turned white, too!" "Bet, dog," says the other bootlip, and
he goes inside. 10 minutes later, you wouldn't believe it. That nigger was blond
haired, blue eyed, and even had on a suit and a tie. The first nigger says, "Man,
holy shit, I can't believe it, you are really White! Hurry up and give me that $5 so
I can do it too!" "Fuck you, nigger, get a job!"

A first grade teacher wanted to help her students learn black history so one
Thursday, she told them that she would read them some famous quotes and
whoever could guess who said it could stay home from school the next day. The
first one she read was, "By any means necessary." Hands shot up. "Yes, Leroy,
can you tell me who said that?" "Malcom X." "That's right," said the teacher,
"You may go home now, and you don't have to come to class tomorrow." The
next one was, "I have a dream." Again, dozens of little black hands went up.
"Yes, Shaquita, do you know who said that?" "Martin Luther King, Jr." "Why
yes, that's right, you can go home early and skip school tomorrow also." From the
back of the classroom came a disgusted voice, "You goddamn niggers make me
fucking sick." The teacher ran to the back of the room and screamed, "Who said
that!?" The little White boy jumped out of his chair and headed for the door,
saying on his way out, "David Duke. See ya Monday, bitch!"

A nigger finds a lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out and offers to grant him
a wish. He told her he wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life
with 3 women in bed with him. The next day he woke up in bed with Hillary
Clinton, Lorena Bobbitt, and Tonya Harding. His dick was gone, his leg was
broken, and he didn't have any health insurance.

An old jew bitch was walking her grandson down the beach when a huge wave
came up and washed the little boy out to sea. The old woman shook her fist at the
sky and cursed God for 20 minutes for taking her only grandson. Finally God
couldn't stand the irritating bitch anymore and he sent another wave that set the
boy, unharmed, gently back at her feet. After a quick search of the boy she shook
her fist at the sky and shrieked, "He had 50 cents in his pocket when you took
him!"

A nigger couple showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter came out and said, "Yes?"
"Uh, well sir, my wife and I just died in a car wreck, and we thought we could get
into Heaven now." Peter looked at his clipboard and shook his head. "No, you
two have been pretty scandalous, I don't think we can have you in here.
Well....tell you what. I will bring you back to life and put you back on Earth for 30
days. If you can show some self control and abstain from having sex for the whole
month, I will let you in." A month later the 2 showed back up at Heaven. "Well,"
said Peter, "how did you do?" The nigger replied, "Well, we did great for the first
28 days, but then my wife dropped a bag of potato chips on the floor, and when
she bent down to pick them up I just lost it and did her right there on the floor."
"That's too bad, because now you know I can't let you into Heaven," said Peter.
"Oh, that's OK," said the nigger, "they won't let us back in the grocery store,
either."

An Indian chief went to a whorehouse and said he wanted a woman. The madam
asked him if he had ever been with a woman before, and he said no. She told him
to go find a tree with a hole in it and practice on that for a while. He came back a
week later and said he had practiced fucking a hole in a tree and now he wanted a
woman. He went upsatairs with a whore, but about 30 seconds later she came
running down the stairs yelling and screaming, bloody and bruised, with the injun
running behind her swinging a large stick. The madam said, "What the hell are
you doing to my whore?" The indian replied, "This time me check for bees first!"

A little niglet put some flour on his face and when his mother came home he said,
"Look Momma, I is a White boy!" She slapped him and sent him to his room.
When his father came home he came running out and said, "Look Daddy, I is a
White boy!" His father slapped him and sent him to his room. Finally the boy's
grandmother came home and the boy thought for sure that she wouldn't be so
mean, so he ran out and said, "Hey, I is a White boy!" When his grandmother
also slapped his face, the boy shouted, "I has only been White for 15 minutes and
I already hate you damn niggers!"

A nigger finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. When he sees
the nigger he says, "Oh, shit. What do you want?" The nigger says, "I want a
bridge from America to Africa made out of pure gold." The genie says, "Are you
fucking crazy? You know how much gold that would take? That is impossible. Pick
something else." So the nigger says, "OK, I want all the little nigger children to
be just as smart and good looking as the White children." The genie says, "OK,
so that bridge, you want it to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"

A nigger boy comes home from his first grade class and said, "Momma, all the
White kids made an A+ on the math test, but I failed. Why is that?" His mother
said, "It's because you are black, my son." Then the boy said, "And all the White
kids got an A+ on the spelling test, but I failed that too. How come?" "Because
you are black, my son," said his mother. "But then when we took a shower after
gym class, I noticed my dick was bigger than all the White boy's dicks. Why is
that?" "Well son," she said, "that is because you are 15 years old."

A trucker carrying a load of bowling balls picked up 2 nigger hitchikers who were
pushing bikes with flat tires. He tells them they have to ride in back with the
bowling balls, which is fine with them. A few miles down the road a cop pulls the
truck over for speeding and he asks to look in the back of the truck. After a quick
glance he shuts the door and tells the trucker to get the hell down the road as fast
as he can. Then he gets on the police radio and tells his chief, "I got a truck
headed your way, you escort him to the county line and get them to escort him
right out of the state, quick!" "Why, what the hell is wrong?" asked the chief.
"What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong....that truck is carrying a load of nigger
eggs and 2 of them have already hatched and stole some bikes!"

A chinaman and a jew are drinking at a bar when the jew gets nasty. "You
motherfuckers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for Pearl Harbor. Sneaky little
shits, bombing all of those innocent sailors, fuck you." The chink replied, "Hey!
Wait a minute, that wasn't us! I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese."
The jew said, "Ahh, Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the chink
says, "Well, what about your people? Sinking the Titanic and killing all those
helpless women and children, I should fuck you up right here." The kike
exclaimed, "What the hell are you yapping about? Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it
hit an iceberg, you jackass!" The chink said, "Ahh, iceberg, Goldberg, what's the
difference?"

What do you call a nigger drinking out of the toilet?
Pushing his luck.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the
other you carry your groceries in.

Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
He heard boys' pants were half-off.

Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect "10"?
Two 5 year olds.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.

After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be
OK to have sex again.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old.

A priest and a rabbi were walking down the side walk. On the other side of the
street they see a 12 year old boy. The priest says "Lets go fuck him." The rabbi
looks for a minute and then says "Out of what?"

What do you call 10 niggers in a steam room?
Gorillas In The Mist.

How does Santa Claus know he's at a Jewish house?
There is a parking meter on the roof.

What do you call a fag in a wheelchair?
Roll AIDS.

What do you throw a drowning nigger?
The rest of his family.

How do you blind a Chink?
You put a windshield in front of him.

Why did so few niggers vote for Jesse Jackson?
He promised them jobs.

Did you hear about the nigger who had a heart attack on Halloween?
Somebody came dressed as a job.

What do you call a French nigger?
Jacues Custodian.

How is a nigger like a broken gun?
It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

What do you call 5 niggers hanging from a tree?
A Mississippi wind chime.

Why did the nigger cross the road?
Who the fuck cares why is he out of the cotton field?

What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 niggers?
Warden.

Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can get away from the niggers.

What's the difference between a pothole and a nigger?
You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you?

Why don't niggers stick their heads out of moving vehicles?
Their lips catching the wind will beat them to death.

What do you call a nigger hitchiker?
Stranded.

What do you call a nigger after his white girlfriend breaks up with him?
Homeless.

What's the difference between nigger pussy and a bowling ball?
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

How do you get a nigger to commit suicide?
Toss a bucket of fried chicken into traffic.

What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 15?
Gifted.

What's the difference between a truckload of watermelons and a truckload of
nigger babies?
You can't unload watermelons with a pitchfork!

What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving
door?
A nigger with a spear through his head.

What qualifies as good behavior in a ghetto school?
Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.

What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant?
Unemployment.

Hear about the black version of "Shogun"?
It's called "Shonuff."

Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
It's called Nacho Mama.

What do you call a black-midget in Ireland?
A lepra-coon.

What's the first thing taught in a ghetto driving school?
How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.

Hear about the new perfume for nigger women?
It's called "Eau de doo dah day."

What is white and has a black asshole?
The Washington D.C. Mayor's office.

Why were wheelbarrows invented?
To teach niggers to walk on their hind legs.

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
Canoes tip.

What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn't drive a lowrider, sleeps
in the same bed every night, doesn't collect welfare, and doesn't rape White
women?
An inmate.

When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger?
When you are looking through the scope on your rifle.

What do you call a nigger having sex?
Rape.

Why don't niggers have check books?
They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint.

How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.

A man goes into a shop and sees 3 jars on a table. The first jar says "Caucasian
Brains, $5.00 a pint". The second says "Asian Brains, $10.00 a pint", and the
third says " Nigger Brains, $100.00 a pint."
"Hey, why are these nigger brains $100 bucks a pint?" asked the man.
The shop owner replied, "You know how many niggers you have to kill to get a
whole pint of brains?"