[Alex Linder]

[Jenna Fischer in Playboy, i think 1998]

PLAYBOY: On your MySpace blog you are pretty free with advice about the process and pitfalls of becoming a working actor. Tell us a cautionary tale.

FISCHER: I had been living in Los Angeles for about a year and was a member of a theater company. One night after a play, I went to a party and ran into the playwright. His name was Shem Bitterman. He said, "What's your story?" I said, "I'm new to the theater company. I'm from St. Louis [she went to Truman State, here in Kirksville]. I just got here. I want to be an actress." He said, "I'm writing a film, and I think you'd be great for it. But I have a question for you: Would you ever do a raunchy sex scene in a movie? Like really raunchy, with nudity?" I kind of laughed and said, "Well, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't be proud to show to my parents." And he said, "Well, you're not a real actress, then." I was stunned. He said, "A real actress would say yes. A real actress would piss herself onstage if that's what it took. Sylvester Stallone did porn. Shelley Winters pissed herself onstage. Every play, every movie I write has nudity in it. You know why? Because that's how I know if I'm working with real actors. You're not a real actress. You should just go home. You don't have what it takes." I was so shaken I went home and cried and cried and cried. What an asshole. I should have told him, "How about I'll piss on you, Shem Bitterman? How about that? I'll piss on your face. Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today." Bring me Shem Bitterman!"