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Old August 31st, 2010 #21
Mike Parker
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,311
Mike Parker

Why I’m Joining the SPLC

Posted on August 30, 2010 by Matt Parrott

I Love All My Honey Pots
Please Welcome our Special Guest Contributor: Winnie the Pooh

I’m angry at White Nationalism because they’re all a bunch of “Laptop Luftwaffe” costume clown Nazis. I’ve never actually organized a single pro-White event or accomplished one single quantifiable goal for my people in my solid decade of typing about it on the Internet, but I am a big expert on the very firm beliefs that I’ve had for a couple weeks.

Behold, I shall now preach at you in a hateful and condescending tone…

Granted, I was proudly standing in a hooded robe in a darkened field surrounded by klansmen in the warm glow of a lit cross a few weeks ago. But some people on the Internet hurt my feelings and I am therefore no longer a White Nationalist. My days of giggling behind a digital camera and glad-handing African invaders on behalf of White people is over.

I’ve devised a brilliant new strategery, one of wholeheartedly embracing anti-White “conservatives” that I shall call: Radical Realism. According to my unassailable logic, White Americans strongly disagree with my beliefs, so I will now strongly disagree with my own beliefs, too. From now on, I will cleverly support those who are vociferously anti-White but whose actions happen to align tangentially with White interests.

This is why I’ve decided to throw my (ample) weight behind the Southern Poverty Law Center. You see, their recent initiative is going after employers who abuse guest workers. Going after employers who exploit migrant laborers is very good for Whites! SPLC Director Mark Potok is a secret friend of ours, but has cleverly disguised himself as a fierce civil rights campaigner like Glenn Beck. You have to be extremely smart to get it, and he probably seems like an enemy to people who are retards. Fortunately for you, you have a very smart leader like myself to tell you what’s brilliant and what’s retarded.

…And you’ll continue taking me seriously, because you’re retarded.