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Old September 22nd, 2017 #12
Emily Henderson
Intellijintly Dezined
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Pre-Rapture, USA ⚛️
Posts: 3,871
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John Smithwick View Post
Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!

I just want ya'll to know that at a minute to midnight yesterday I prayed to the Lord to spare us, and His voice boomed out of the invisible this time (although I neglected to have the camcorder going for this crazy "evidence" ya'll seek), and said: "John, I will delay the Rapture until next year around this time ... if, IF ... you get your membership up to 5000 by then!"

So there you have it Brothers and Sisters, let us rejoice!

I expect every one of you to pester every single last family member and friend to save their souls by joining the true Christian denomination!

Emily, let me tell you that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and I promise you in due course, you'll get your 30 dollar once you initiate your hollllyyyy membership!

Alan, it's especially good news for you, as you'll have some more time to tie-down ol' Keira Knightley for next year's Rapture!

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!

Amen!

In the meantime, if ya'll need some soul food, let me direct you to the denomination I broke away from to start this new mission: the Landover Baptist Church lol:

Pastor Harry Hardwick vs. Anton Batey (1/3)

I'll let the choir take it from here:

Adolf hitler sings we're movin on up
Not to detract from the all-important fundraising an' all, but I never understood the 'fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill' line.

You can fry fish in the kitchen. Beans most certainly burn on the grill.

I'm glad we weren't raptured, I'll have time to figure out the Jefferson's theme song, and other life questions.

*On a serious note, the guy who does 'Pastor Harry Hardwick' came to several Atheist community gatherings to speak, and he was very funny. He would address the audience with, 'Glad I could be here amongst you godless trash' with a Southern accent.
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"Inquiry and doubt are essential checks against deception."--Richard Carrier