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Old December 9th, 2013 #163
Matthaus Hetzenauer
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Matthaus Hetzenauer

Originally Posted by N.B. Forrest View Post
Gators, pythons, python-sized rattlers, water moccasins, coral snakes, brain-eating amoebas....there's just too many beasts that can kill a feller down there....
I did a pretty stupid thing with a coral snake about three years ago.

Getting into my car to go to work one morning, I saw one a little over 2' long lying at the edge of the driveway near the lawn. Now I've got a kind of Steve Irwin death wish when it comes to potentially dangerous animals (I love to fuck with 'em; gets the old adrenaline going and gives me a rush of sorts), so I took it into my empty head to sneak up behind the damn thing and grab it just behind the head; figured if I was fast enough, and caught him in just the right spot, I wouldn't get bit (besides, they're not lightning quick in their strikes as are rattlers and moccasins). I made my move, but in a nanosecond so did the snake. Instead of catching him just behind the head, I caught him about an inch or so further down. Lucky for me for some reason he decided not to bite (though he enough room to turn his head and do just that) and I let go immediately. That was too close for comfort; it was also the last time I attempted to pull such a stupid stunt.

p.s. You know that confusing little rhyme about distinguishing a coral snake from its almost identical, though nonpoisonous, cousin, the king snake? something about "yellow touches black, stand back", or however the hell it goes? Well fuck that. Just remember this: a coral snake has a black head; a king has a red head.
Wit' jews ya lose; wit' rope deah's hope.
- Bugs