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Old July 17th, 2017 #1
Emily Henderson
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Default Xtians: The World Will End in One Mumpf

...And four days. Came across this doing an online Atheist project with a friend-story came out last year, but caught my eye because it's literally one month and four days till the 'Tribulation' we've been waiting on for 2k years. Geezus!

And it's gonna take 7 years of, you know, suffering and shit before Jesus just says 'nuff already'. Tribulation is scheduled from 2017-2024. Mark your calendar accordingly.

*It is in actuality a solar eclipse they've decided to mark the start of 'the end times' with.

They also base it on the date of the establishment of the State of Israel.

So, grab your gas mask and some saltines and dig a shelter, cuz 75% of errthang is going to die. Then Jesus will step out of his spaceship to laugh at all the dead suckers who didn't heed the warning-no salitnes, nor gas masks.

Here a chubby Christian explains:
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Old July 17th, 2017 #2
Dan Hadaway
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Guys, don't you know God loves you unconditionally? Well, unless you break one of his petty little rules, then he'll sent you into a place full of suffering and torment for all of eternity.
 
Old July 17th, 2017 #3
cillian
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It's called the "Great American Eclipse", which reminds me of Trump's slogan.

The last one was in 1776, which was a pretty big year for America.
 
Old July 17th, 2017 #4
Dan Hadaway
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We need to bring back the sacrifices to keep lord Jebus appeased.

 
Old July 17th, 2017 #5
Hugo Böse
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Those christards do that all the time, when was the last biblical end times prophesy that didn't pan out, was it 2014, some were are around there?
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Old July 17th, 2017 #6
Emily Henderson
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hugo Böse View Post
Those christards do that all the time, when was the last biblical end times prophesy that didn't pan out, was it 2014, some were are around there?
Haha-yeah, 2015, they mention it in the story about this new 2017 one.

I'm gonna put on muh Nike's and wait for the spaceship, but I draw the line at cutting off any body parts!

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Old July 17th, 2017 #7
Emily Henderson
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan Hadaway View Post
We need to bring back the sacrifices to keep lord Jebus appeased.

sacrifice scene apocalypto
The 'body art' reminds me of several hipsters whom I asked what the earplugs and nose rings 'meant to them' and they didn't even know where the practice came from.

When I asked for earrings as a child my mom said, 'that is primitive behavior, poking holes in yourself, no.'
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Old July 17th, 2017 #8
Emily Henderson
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cillian View Post
It's called the "Great American Eclipse", which reminds me of Trump's slogan.

The last one was in 1776, which was a pretty big year for America.
Good thought--Xtians prefer doom and gloom to something being promising-it's a control mechanism.
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Old July 17th, 2017 #9
Emily Henderson
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan Hadaway View Post
Guys, don't you know God loves you unconditionally? Well, unless you break one of his petty little rules, then he'll sent you into a place full of suffering and torment for all of eternity.
Plus he already knew you were gonna sin, and that your name is not 'written in the book of life'....but let you do it...cuz free will....cuz....

Aw, shit, it doesn't make sense. Church is canceled.
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Old July 18th, 2017 #10
N.B. Forrest
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"Yay-ess, brothers 'n' sisters: 2017. The eclipse, Izrul, sun-wearin' woman, dragon - it's all raht thurr in Revelations! Even that ol' rabbi from hunnnerds o' years ago agreed - so be ready! Uh course, "No man knows the hour or the day" - but it's a-comin'!"
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