Vanguard News Network
VNN Media
VNN Digital Library
VNN Reader Mail
VNN Broadcasts

Old October 29th, 2009 #1
Alex Linder
Administrator
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 45,375
Blog Entries: 34
Alex Linder
Default death-related

If you've never had the mixed blessing of having your loved ones, or at least related ones, assume the ol' rigid 'n' frigid, you might not be aware that death, after birth and next to marriage, is one of the greatest scams going. Death is some kind of horrible tri-rivering of christian creepy crawlies coming together with flowerators and casketeers. Don't believe the hype! It costs no money to die, competent accountants assure us. It should cost little more to dispose of atomic leftovers.

Until Tupperware gets into the game, we can look to Wal-mart for quality prices on death containers.
 
Old October 29th, 2009 #2
Alex Linder
Administrator
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 45,375
Blog Entries: 34
Alex Linder
Default

Wal-Mart Selling Caskets, Urns Online

October 28, 2009

MILWAUKEE — The world's largest retailer wants to keep its customers even after they die.

Wal-Mart has started selling caskets on its Web site at prices that undercut many funeral homes, long the major seller of caskets.

The move follows a similar one by discount rival Costco, which also sells caskets on its site.

Wal-Mart quietly put up about 15 caskets and dozens of urns on its Web site last week.

Prices range from $999 for models like "Dad Remembered" and "Mom Remembered" steel caskets to the mid-level $1,699 "Executive Privilege." All are less than $2,000, except for the Sienna Bronze Casket, which sells for $3,199.

Caskets ship within 48 hours. Federal law requires funeral homes to accept third-party caskets. Returns are not accepted, the company says on its site, unless the product has been damaged during shipping.

The caskets come from Star Legacy Funeral Network, Inc., a company based in McHenry, Illinois, that sells the same caskets for about the same price — some less — on its site, along with many others.

Star Legacy CEO Rick Obadiah said the response in the first week has been better than the company or Wal-Mart expected, though he declined to give specifics. A spokesman for Walmart.com also declined to release sales figures and downplayed the venture.

"Several online retailers offer this category on their sites," spokesman Ravi Jariwala wrote in an e-mail. "We are simply conducting a limited beta test to understand customer response."

But Obadiah said it is not simply a test. He said more than 200 Star Legacy products, including pet urns and memorial jewelry, and eventually about two dozen caskets, will be sold at walmart.com. The company also supplies similar types of products to online retailer Overstock.com and urns to CostCo's Web site.

Other parts of the Wal-Mart empire also sell funeral wares. The company's samsclub.com site sells casket floral arrangements for about $300.

Part of the business model is to get people to plan ahead: Walmart.com is allowing people to pay for the caskets over a period of 12 months for no interest.

The move gives more power to consumers and helps them avoid high mark-ups on caskets, which can often be several hundred percent, said R. Brian Burkhardt, a funeral director who blogs as "Your Funeral Guy."

"You can get a quality casket for $1,000 rather than pay $2,000, $3,000 or $5,000 in a funeral home. That's where it helps the consumer," he said.

The industry is not too concerned about Wal-Mart entering the market, said Pat Lynch, president-elect of the National Funeral Home Directors Association. Consumers have been able to buy caskets online and from other sources for years, with minimal effect on the business, he said.

Wal-Mart's prices for caskets don't differ greatly from those offered at funeral homes, most of which range from $500 to $5,000, Lynch said. He declined to give an average price, saying a casket selection is a personal one.

He said Wal-Mart can't offer one thing funeral directors do have: the ability to comfort someone during a trying time.

"There's no question in my mind as a funeral director for nearly 40 years that the most critical element is the human contact," he said.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,...est=latestnews
 
Old October 29th, 2009 #3
Mike in Denver
Enkidu
 
Mike in Denver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Under the Panopticon.
Posts: 4,172
Mike in Denver
Default

Cremation is the way to do it. I had both my parents cremated. It cost about $800 a parent. I bought one small plot in a graveyard in the small Texas town where I was born. I got a stone carver to make two small plaques, one for each. My family had a graveside ceremony of our own design.

I think it still cost me about $4,000. And, that was almost twenty years ago.

Mike
__________________
You have to remember I live in Denver and some things are perfectly legal here that aren't where you live.
 
Old October 29th, 2009 #4
Alex Linder
Administrator
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 45,375
Blog Entries: 34
Alex Linder
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike in Denver View Post
Cremation is the way to do it. I had both my parents cremated. It cost about $800 a parent. I bought one small plot in a graveyard in the small Texas town where I was born. I got a stone carver to make two small plaques, one for each. My family had a graveside ceremony of our own design.

I think it still cost me about $4,000. And, that was almost twenty years ago.

Mike
Yeah, it's just like i said about ten years ago, a good way to define life, in practical terms, is a series of perfected scams carried out on first-timers. You don't even think about this shit until you're in your thirties, then you get a little taste. Manipulating the emotionally distraught is big business, nearly as big business as manufacturing the emotionally distraught through the misrepresentation of behavioral normalcy.

Fucking thieves want thousands of dollars for their rigs. Fuck them. Fucking state won't let you do anything without a license. Fuck the state. Fuck the stone-carving thieves, they're like high-school ring sellers. A bunch of poxy profiteers all of them.
 
Old October 29th, 2009 #5
Alex Linder
Administrator
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 45,375
Blog Entries: 34
Alex Linder
Default

When I die I want to be neither buried nor cremated but thrown on a mulch pile, like a rendered bass. However, my desire is illegal, so it will take some doing. My atoms will disperse groovily and my remainder will be lines or nothing.
 
Old October 29th, 2009 #6
Mike in Denver
Enkidu
 
Mike in Denver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Under the Panopticon.
Posts: 4,172
Mike in Denver
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Linder View Post
When I die I want to be neither buried nor cremated but thrown on a mulch pile, like a rendered bass. However, my desire is illegal, so it will take some doing. My atoms will disperse groovily and my remainder will be lines or nothing.
Very similar to my wishes. I have two friends, whom I have hiked the Colorado mountains with for 30 years. We've talked about it, and they know my wishes, but I'm sure when the time comes it won't happen.

There is a trail, The Colorado Trail, that runs from Waterton Canyon near Denver, hundreds of miles to Durango, across the state. There are places, within five miles of the trail head, where if you leave the trail and climb one hill, you are in a valley where no hiker is likely to walk by for years. I've told my two friends that I'd like to be rolled into one of these so that I could be eaten by animals. I've eaten animals all my life and nothing would make me happier than to be eaten by animals. I'm not joking.

Won't happen, though.

Mike
__________________
You have to remember I live in Denver and some things are perfectly legal here that aren't where you live.
 
Old October 29th, 2009 #7
MikeTodd
Pussy BŁnd "Commander"
 
MikeTodd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: land of the Friedman, home of the Braverman
Posts: 13,329
MikeTodd
Default

When I die I want to donate my body to art.
YouTube - Body Worlds - Plastic Corpses!
__________________
Worse than a million megaHitlers all smushed together.
 
Old October 30th, 2009 #8
Leshrac
Mad Science
 
Leshrac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Belgium
Posts: 2,686
Leshrac
Default

I will do like my grand-grandfather.

Get incinerated, ashes dissolved in a bottle of whiskey and served to people I don't like. That way I'll be incorporated in their bodies and fuck'em from the inside

At least it was his weird theory. I like it
 
Reply

Share


Thread
Display Modes


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:36 PM.
Page generated in 0.32944 seconds.