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March 14th, 2011 | #61 | |
Pussy Bünd "Commander"
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March 15th, 2011 | #62 | |
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Anyway, typically "wild" and "narcoleptic" don't go together anymore than "living" and "dead" do, but I believe ol' Banjo meant "narcoleptic" in a symbolic sense, not literal. In other words, you're not "awakened to the truth", but you really are a "wild" bastard. |
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March 15th, 2011 | #63 | |
Holy Order of Cosmonauts
Join Date: Jan 2004
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So the general consensus seems to be that while I'm a wild idiot bastard I'm not necessarily narcoleptic? That is a big relief. I was starting to worry that maybe I was exhibiting symptoms of narcolepsy and didn't know it, maybe doing shit like nodding off in the middle of a post, in the middle of a post....zzzzz.
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March 17th, 2011 | #64 |
Banned
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Welfare Check
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and body guard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it." |
March 29th, 2011 | #65 |
Banned
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Location: East Tennessee
Posts: 8,506
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April 2nd, 2011 | #66 |
Banned
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Location: East Tennessee
Posts: 8,506
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This old tool has been re-introduced in America. It is a signature part of the new healthcare program.
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April 7th, 2011 | #67 |
Celebrating My Diversity
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Smokey,
These last are not special* jokes, as defined in the OP. |
April 7th, 2011 | #68 |
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 8,105
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...'So the sheepdog turned to the cop and said, 'Seriously, officer, if I'd known he was a Jew, I would have made him find his own fire hydrant!"
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April 14th, 2011 | #69 |
Celebrating My Diversity
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Then another {boyfriend} I was seeing came over, and although he didn't say anything, I could tell he was not comfortable. That didn't work out either.
He told me he couldn't love me because I have a bad knee. I was rather shocked and asked him if he was looking for a woman or buying a horse. I offered to open my mouth so he could check my teeth too. |
April 14th, 2011 | #70 |
Celebrating My Diversity
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I work really hard to try and keep this place semi-tolerable by doing all the
cleaning, but it's really hard with my mother who is constantly making messes and piling up stuff right after I clean it up. Now I have completely put dating on hold because I don't want any potential boyfriends to meet my mother. She is very weird. When I was dating the man I would later marry, she did strange things to him. Like if I got up to leave the room for a minute, she would just turn and give him an icy glare while not saying anything. We were watching TV one night and my ex-husband said in a puzzled voice, "Why is your mother crouched in the dark upstairs peering down at us?" I didn't know why and was so embarrassed. Then she would harass me about the relationship. "Why did you talk to him on the phone for so long? Don't you think that's weird?" And she'd say things like, "Every minute my back is turned, it's you two and your hanky panky!" It's like she was chiding and shaming me for dating or having any romantic inclinations. WTF? If I came back late from his place, I would have to sneak in really quiet because if she saw me, she would give me judgmental looks like I was some kind of shameful hussy even though I wasn't doing anything that meets her definition of a hussy. |
April 19th, 2011 | #71 |
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Ha you dont even have to be playing sammy [Farha] for him to put a bad beat on you! anyway i saw him at punk rock bowling at the sunset station like a week ago. He was railing he final table of their poker tournament. But i think he he rooting for his gf or neice or something. he looks way diff in person BTW , he kind of looks like a mexican rosie o'donnel but with classier chest hair.
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April 19th, 2011 | #72 |
Pussy Bünd "Commander"
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Gee-zus, Leonard, where the fuck do you find this shit?
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April 19th, 2011 | #73 |
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As you know I was attending an Indepedent Pentecostal church for 9 months. I was "shunned" for smoking cigs. I haven't gone to any services in 3 weeks. However, today when I came home from shopping I had a voice mail from the pastor's wife (who is the biggest gossip in the church and has a heart of stone, in my opinion) stating that "they" wanted to know how I was doing? (She didn't sound sincere and her voice was sort of laughing). Does anyone have any idea as to why these people are calling me?? I will not return their call - and if they call again and I am home I will not answer the phone. They "shunned" me and now they are calling me - makes no sense to me (mixed messsages). If they hadn't "shunned" me I would have "walked" anyway from hearing the "garbage" they were preaching.
(I am really upset!!!) Are these people out to "get" me or am I just being paranoid? Please does anybody have any idea what these people are up to or want?? Is this just "normal" behavior for these people? I have PTSD and just "hearing" her voice traumatized me. PLEASE HELP!!!!! |
April 19th, 2011 | #74 |
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I lie down with dogs; I wake up with flees.
And I find craziness gratifyingly hilarious. Last edited by Leonard Rouse; April 19th, 2011 at 04:35 PM. |
April 19th, 2011 | #75 |
Banned
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Posts: 5,414
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NO SEX SINCE 1955
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1955! Come with me." She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955." The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now." Gotta love military time |
April 25th, 2011 | #76 |
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Does anal sex mess up your insides?
In: Anal Sex [Edit categories] Answer It can, but it shouldn't. There are two muscles in your anus, an internal and an external sphincter. If the internal sphincter is damaged, it can cause some issues, even incontinence. However, it shouldn't if anal sex is performed correctly. A general rule of thumb is "if it hurts, it's doing damage." If your enjoying pain-free anal sex, there shouldn't be an issue. Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Does_anal_...#ixzz1KYiN5hqP |
April 26th, 2011 | #77 |
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April 26th, 2011 | #78 |
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April 26th, 2011 | #79 | |
Celebrating My Diversity
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......... |
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June 6th, 2011 | #80 | ||
Banned
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Last edited by Soldatul Vostru; June 6th, 2011 at 11:03 PM. |
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