(#1 Jokes thread) Jokes, Humor - funny pictures...yust put it.

[William Hyde]

Historic Quotes:

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said. 'Very good!' Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?' Again, no response except from Little Johnny, 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed, Little Johnny knows more about history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Little Johnny put his hand up, 'General Custer, 1862.' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks 'All right!!! Now who said that!?' Again, Little Johnny says,'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher ,'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.' The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,'Oh shit, we're screwed!' Little Johnny said quietlly, "The American people, November 4, 2008."

[psychologicalshock]

Originally Posted by Kind Lampshade Maker

So, you like them old and flat

I am referring to the one to the right, center and I have a time machine no worries

[bmwbiker]

[Dale VanderMeer]

Mac might like this one. I know it's off color:

[bmwbiker]

[psychologicalshock]

Originally Posted by bmwbiker

Whoever was shooting must have been blind, so many bullet holes but not a single hit on the two shit skins.

[William Hyde]

4 guys are driving cross-country together -- one from Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Montana, and the last one is from California. A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.

The man from Nebraska turns to him and asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Idaho they're laying around on the ground - I'm sick of looking at them!"

A few miles down the road, the man from Nebraska begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window.

The man from Montana asks "What are you doing that for?"

The Nebraskan replies, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Nebraska I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Montana opens the car door and pushes the Californian out.

[Hugh]

[odin]

Hugh, that was hilarious!!!

[Myron]

Here is the Slingblade soundboard they used, it works.

http://www.aeonity.com/ab/soundboard...ling-blade.php

Originally Posted by William Hyde

YouTube - Sling Blade calls a Priest to confess a murder (prank call)

[Dale VanderMeer]

[Dale VanderMeer]

[Dale VanderMeer]

http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2009/...ntheact-t2.jpg

[psychologicalshock]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Yk727zSs6d...-h/Picture.jpg

[George Witzgall]

I was looking up jewish nationist/pro-semitic forums and found Nazi SS Cemetery Desecrated By Pro-Semitic Graffiti from the Onion:

It is believed to be the worst pro-Semitic crime in Darmstadt history.

"You must understand, the Star of David is an incredibly painful symbol for my people," said former Hitler Youth member Conrad Steuben, 67, whose father, SS-Unterscharführer Erich Steuben, was buried with full military honors at Darmstadt in 1945. "It stands for the destruction of us and everything we believe in. Seeing it scrawled across those gravestones reopens many deep wounds."

"I thought we had put pro-Semitism behind us here in Darmstadt," Steuben said. "But I suppose old prejudices die hard."

[bmwbiker]

[Stronza]

[Igor Alexander]

Originally Posted by George Witzgall

I was looking up jewish nationist/pro-semitic forums and found Nazi SS Cemetery Desecrated By Pro-Semitic Graffiti from the Onion:

It is believed to be the worst pro-Semitic crime in Darmstadt history.

"You must understand, the Star of David is an incredibly painful symbol for my people," said former Hitler Youth member Conrad Steuben, 67, whose father, SS-Unterscharführer Erich Steuben, was buried with full military honors at Darmstadt in 1945. "It stands for the destruction of us and everything we believe in. Seeing it scrawled across those gravestones reopens many deep wounds."

"I thought we had put pro-Semitism behind us here in Darmstadt," Steuben said. "But I suppose old prejudices die hard."

Bah! I bet it's just Nazis doing it to themselves to make people feel sorry for them.

[Dale VanderMeer]

A White gentleman went to an upscale restaurant in New York City. Being from the back hills of Virginia, he was obviously racially aware...

The waiter, an Africoon-American, came up to take his order.

The Southerner said "Who's the head nigger around here?"

The waiter got a shitty look on his face and said "Sir, this is an upscale restaurant. Plus, we have come far beyond racial bigotry here in the north. I suggest you govern yourself accordingly if you wish to dine here."

The old Southerner looked stunned for a second, then said "That's all right. It's just I wanted to give the head nigger a hundred dollar bill for taking care of me tonight during my meal."

The waiter said "I'ze da head nigger suh, an if you don' believe me, jus' go ask dem other niggers over deah and dey TELL you I iz!"

[bmwbiker]

becouse we have neighbours Bosna, ther are muslims population...Croatian name for Bosnoian muslim (like in US nigger) is Muio or Haso (means : Muhamad or Hasan)

one Croatian joke:

Haso was walking thrue feld and meet Muio

Haso: Muio .. are yours cow smoking?

Muio: no!.. my muslim friend

Haso: then yours stable is on fire then